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When Love Gets Comfortable

So, you’ve been with your partner some time now, maybe you live together maybe you don’t but either way you’re now starting to feel the big C…. comfortable. For a lot of people this means, farting or wearing your period knickers in front of them, and we will get to this, but ladies let’s be real. We know we’re only truly comfortable when we can rock up in a headscarf and there’s not that moment when they wanna ask you where your hair has gone or worse still WTF are you? Looool.

Come on, we’ve all been there. It’s the big night, gonna do the sleepover; you’ve packed your sexy pj’s, made sure the panties have got all their elastic and no holes, fresh bra even though you done know you’d normally wear your same bra for the week, that doesn’t mean they have to know that. You’re all set until your eyes head to the headtie/bonnet, now what? Do you risk waking up looking like Don King with hair dryer than Gandhi’s flip flop, or do you take the headwrap? Now if you take the headwrap which one (we all have more than one), realistically we wanna take our favourite but the favourite is usually faded, well-worn and probably hasn’t seen the inside of the washing machine since the last time you had a sweaty night. You could always buy a nice pretty one but then you risk it sliding off in the night and it’s back to Donnie in the morning or tying it so tight that it leaves the tell-tale marks in your forehead and round your ears. More questions than answers are beginning to arise and you’re considering not going at all until that little voice says “Girl, get yo’ sh*t together, if they’re the one they’re gonna see it sometime.” Quick sniff of the favourite (headtie/bonnet) makes the decision and in your bag it goes. Once you’ve gone past this, girl let me tell you, you’re comfortable.

OK the biggest thing maybe out the way but it still takes time to get past the little ones. Like when you need to let go of a little love puff because ahem, we don’t fart, we blow air kisses and technically that’s not a lie as the skin around your a**hole is made of the same skin as your lips. Alright, now that we’ve got that disgusting fact out of the way, how do you handle this? For me personally, I’ve always suffered with digestive problems so sometimes my stomach will make noises that will make you think it’s my bottom talking so I’ve had to deal with the embarrassment very early on, however I knew my Mister was the one, when I first farted in front of him, and his response was “go on girl!”

Having your period! Well, it’s a natural thing and everyone knows we have them but yet still it’s something that we don’t want to deal with around our boo, there’s so many societal performances and pretences and we’re just never sure what type of person you’re with until the fateful day it comes before it’s supposed to, or we’ve just completely forgotten about it. Maybe you’re cool with it but get caught short, he’s in the shop and asks you if you need anything. Or you’re in the shop together, what do you do? Would you tell him that you need the pink pack of Lil-lets, or do you let him go get the milk while you sneak off to the personal care aisle? Comfortability sets in when you’re willing to put on your period pants and fart (you’re on your period Hun it’s definitely a fart) in front of him.

Alright, now for the real test. The bathroom test! You’re in the shower and they want to come in to use the toilet, they want to take a number 2. OMG, are we really ready for this stage in our relationship. Or worse still, he’s in the shower and your poop is THERE, like you gotta go now NOW, what do you do sista girl, what do you do? If you’re ready to bowl into the bathroom with a quick “sorry babe” whilst you fling up the toilet seat at the same time you’re pulling down your knickers then gurl, love just got comfortable.

A few things before I sign off.

1. Don’t let familiarity breed contempt – just because they’re cool with you wearing a headtie/bonnet don’t make it your daily it’s not good for you and therefore wont be good for your relationship. I had a colleague who used to paint her nails when she was sick or was suffering from a particularly painful period. When I questioned this she explained that the first time she ever got her period her aunt came round and painted her nails and then did her hair and make-up. The aunt’s thinking was that when you do these things it not only distracts you from whatever it is that you’re suffering but it also serves to brighten your mood. We all know that our mental state will have the biggest impact on any physical ailment.

2. Don’t be afraid to shake it up a bit – sometimes routine leads to boredom which will lead us right back to statement number one, so before that happens throw on some music, pull them to their feet and have a dance. Not a bit of you? No worries, check out our Date Night article for some other ideas.

3. Comfort means love but the stretch zone is where growth happens. Grow together, learn together and love for longer.

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