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So now what!




Hey sis how’s things? It’s a real question, answer it! Are you well? Do you even know what being well means to you? Well I didn’t, I thought I was well but I was sick, sick and tired of being sick and tired!


It wasn’t one thing, but everything and everyone but really and truly it was truly all just about me.


The me I’d become wasn’t the me I was supposed to be, it just happened and I didn’t know when or how, but I got so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I had to pause, take a minute, exhale and address the why? Why was I here? Why did I feel like this? Why hadn’t I stopped it sooner, I knew this wasn’t my path just Why...and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had let life choose me, people,

places, jobs, material items, emotions ...they were all choosing me...but I couldn’t remember the last time I chose something or better yet I chose ME!


So what now...I had the revelation but what would be the result?


Well, quite honestly, I had to start choosing me! I didn't just wake up and get up. I chose to wake up and break bread with the Lord.


I didn't just go shower, I stepped into the shower not to wash away the tiredness but to will into me, all the energy I would need for whatever was coming.


I didn’t punish myself with a kick of caffeine but I chose to Rejuvenate myself with a glass of water and then the hit of caffeine …don’t get it twisted I’m still tired, I have young children lol …but I’m not sick and tired no more.


What changed, me, I changed.


"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things."

I was doing the choosing. I was no longer waiting for all of the things, titles, roles, positions and what not, chose me and then feeling mad funky and frustrated about them.


I stopped allowing my life to play out like a PE lesson, where you sit on the bench and hope your not picked last, or worse, for the wrong side.


Nope, I pressed that pause button and eventually heard the Holy Spirit whisper, you have a sieve and you are using it as a stirrer, mixing everything up, when you should be separating it all out... Ladies are you hearing the revelation!


Imagine what you could be if you didn’t have to be, do, have, get, everything just because …and instead you grew, nurtured, rose up and developed on purpose.


Well that’s where I am at ladies, living my life on purpose...


Ohhh don’t hurt me now, I know it ain’t no quick fix, and I’m still working out the fine print, but I have signed up to this life long contract with self!


I want to be sure she has what she needs and can get what she wants, and she knows her own hearts desires and the best bit is my fulfillment comes from within and will never again be loaned from a promise, person, place or position.


You see, now I’m living that cocktail on the beach life, in my mind anyways (until I can actually live it physically).


Whilst I am out walking I choose routes with a view. Why, because I chose to, I want to spend more of my life looking up, and so I go to places I can do this on purpose.


What are you doing on purpose, for your self, to know she’s living a power filled life?


1. Take a moment to not think or feel but to thank you now, because she’s the makings of who you want to be

2. Take out the middle man...mine was called sick and tired or frustration for want of a better word. Yours might be anger, loneliness or heartbreak...whatever it is, take it out and ask yourself why it has such a comfortable seat at your table.

3. Know that only you, when and if you want to, can permanently remove it from your self...its a choice, choose life on purpose

4. Let the revelation wash over you! Rome wasn’t built in a day and you won’t overcome in a hot minute, but you will become free-er with each minute that passes

5. Agree on choosing something you want and start doing it to fill that space up...leaving it void, will only leave room for something else you don’t want to walk in and fill it.


Remember you're doing all things on purpose.


That’s it ladies. I wish you well, and when I have chosen something that has elevated me beyond my dreams, I’ll be back to uplift you with my testimony...in the meantime start, and restart (if you have to) your choice of choosing self!


#onyxyayas #5Rs #blackwomenheal #selfcare

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