How ridiculous is it to think that you should be comfortable with being uncomfortable?
What kind of statement is this I hear you say, well its true!
Think back to your pregnancy body, no matter how easy it was to see and feel the changes that were happening month by month, at some point you had to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Having to deal with heartburn, backache, swollen feet, you had to adapt from what you were used to and find a way to be comfortable in your new skin.
Then came sleepless nights or terrible two filled days, yes, I went there! Who knew you could function on three hours of sleep or continue to smile and love on a child who has taken too embarrassing in the street or worse still, in front of family, lol? This is being comfortable with being uncomfortable.
How about the first day of school, whose more nervous you or your child. You’re standing there trying to reassure them whilst you are scanning the playground for a face that you hope will smile back and let you know they want to be your school mummy friend.
Another time you’re at the park and a child has been mean to your child and you just want to go and …let’s say, tell that child about themselves, but then you remember you’re the adult, the role model, the mummy. Now you look at your child, you dry their tears and tell them they are beautiful, or the other child is jealous or whatever explanation fits the bill, but no matter what you say in that moment, for the sake of your child you must be comfortable being uncomfortable.
Are you able to recognise a time that as a mother you have had to be comfortable being uncomfortable, not yet, then I will continue?
What about the first time you see a pubic hair growing from your child’s body, you double take and stare harder to be sure you are seeing what you know you have seen and now its not one but two or three of them sprouting out of your baby boy or baby girl. They are no longer a baby, their bodies are changing, their voices, their character even how uncomfortable is that and yet to not embarrass either of you, somehow you have to make this inevitable change, comfortable.
I’m making light of these situations, because no matter what at some point, to some degree, we all go through them. That is what we sign up for when we choose to join the motherhood tribe. We step forward and say ‘I can do this’ when we should really be saying ‘I can handle this’. The difference in these to statements is, the first implies you truly understand what you are signing up for…and you don’t. The second means, whatever happens we will get through it, and this, you will!
This may sound like doom and gloom to some but please check out our NLP page to understand how much we attach negativity to things because of our learned past behaviour and actually, if we choose to, we can all relearn, learn more or learn anew.
Motherhood is filled with all the emotions, challenge, expectation, success, and failure that life has, to throw at us. However, during all of these times we are constantly bouncing between doing something we know or doing something new. Neither of these are wrong but sometimes one of them is a better option than the other. How do we know which one to choose, we don’t, so let’s not rely solely on ourselves, instead let’s talk about it with those who know?
You can talk with your partner, the child’s father, an aunt, or friend, but honestly some of the best parenting advice I have received has come from someone I didn’t really know, and they didn’t know me. It was free, non-judgmental advice or signposting that freed me from mental anguish and feeling alone. I was empowered by being in receipt of credible information that I didn’t have to gift a frenemy with, to receive.
Try these simple tricks and tips to makes sense of those uncomfortable new spaces you have to become comfortable in:
Consider your options, before you make a choice. Sometimes we rush to answer back, react, or respond and lose face in the process. By listing your options (even quickly in your head) each option will have its own choices.
Allow yourself time to prepare and time to think. You could plan the first day of school, layout the uniform, make their favourite breakfast, ask grandma to call whilst you stand in the playground. You will feel more relaxed and smile more, putting your child at ease and attracting that playground mummy friend you’re looking for.
Do your research, there are online, forums, groups and chats all over the web filled with people and their experiences from all over the world. Ask a question? Respond to someone else’s if you think you can be of help. Remember this isn’t an opportunity to moan or attack, if you see something that adds no value to your life, keep stepping!
Remember that being uncomfortable is sometimes just growth, a stretch outside of your comfort zone and an opportunity to relearn, learn more or learn anew.
That said, in grandma’s words “some things you need to take with a pinch of salt”! So don’t take everything at face value or to heart, go back to tip one and consider your options.
Lastly, leave here and reflect on the following: where do I get my support, do I have a motherhood network, a group of women that understand what I am facing, that help me to know a bad day will pass, that are happy to share that bottle of wine or cup of tea when I just want to exhale? Are they able to support me through being comfortable with being uncomfortable? Whatever your response, here at OY we hope to be all of that for you. Have a burning question? Try asking in the Dear Onyx YaYas section of the Forum.