Just like the title says...what do you say to yourself? How we speak to ourselves has a direct, in depth and profound affect on how we see ourselves.
I've seen and heard it said that you shouldn't talk bad about yourself even as a joke because your body aka subconscious doesn't know the difference. We also know that how we see ourselves puts a lot of pressure on how you see others, but for now let's stick to ourselves.
So again I ask you, what do you say to yourself? Still not sure what that means, well let's lay out a scenario. You're just about to leave the house, you've got everything ready and you realise that there's something on your top. What do you say to yourself? Are you going to berate yourself and call yourself all the names under the sun? Will you shrug and go change, or shrug and leave the house anyway? Or are you the type of person that's just going to cancel your plans all together? What do you say to yourself?
The self is such an important aspect of who we are and how we are with others. Most of us don't want to come away from a conversation, a chance meeting or miss an opportunity because we forgot how to be ourselves.
Self-deprecation is NOT attractive!! So beating yourself up over simple mistakes does nothing to steady your mental health and will not help you to attract good in your life. Nonchalance can be seen as lazy and uncaring, so a simple shrug in the wrong circumstances can cause just as much friction as it can for an aggressor. Being over-dramatic is energy draining and is just entirely too much work for you, and anyone else who may come into your orbit. So how do we find balance? We find balance by being unapologetically you. Acceptance of self is the key to balance, that way you can really see what you like and what you don't and then seek ways to adjust, adapt or change them.
As students and supporters of NLP, OY understands that our use of words and their meaning to us, directly impacts the relationships we seek, build and maintain.
Can't is a word that I try to use sparingly unless it's a funny insta reel (like OMG I can't). The reason for this is that the word can't creates a neurologically blocker which prevents the brain from seeking other ways/avenues to achieving or overcoming. So when faced with a challenging situation I will say how on earth am I going to do this? This enables my brain to search for options.
How about words that have negative connotations? How do you feel when words like manipulate is used? Most - if not all - of you will probably say that it would hurt your feelings if someone called you manipulative, but honestly we all use manipulation on a daily basis. If you can take flour, water and sugar and make dumplings then girl you are a manipulator. Obviously, I'm not promoting being a toxic person in someone else's life or to allow yourself to be taken advantage of. However I am saying that you need to understand how sometimes what society see as a flaw can make you flawless. You won't be able to distinguish the two though, until you understand and accept you for you.
I've known someone that for years worried about being labelled judgmental. Following a personality quiz she discovered that one of her spiritual gifts was discernment, the ability to see the woods for the trees, the skill set required to assess a situation and judge its merits accurately. So how many years had this sista been playing down the very thing that God had given her, to enable herself and others around her to navigate this earthly plane? When you look at it that way, does it help you to understand better the way you talk to yourself and how that dictates your day, your week and even your year?
Often what we say to ourselves can be so much more damaging than what others say to us. You will absorb and hang onto the negative swords thrown at you when you stab yourself with them on a daily. Being a narcissist is not where I'm trying to go with this but having a deeper comprehension of yourself and your own boundaries is key to all that happens to you, for you and around you.
I once made a friend sit in front of a mirror and not come away until she had something nice to say about herself, did this change her life overnight? Of course not, but it did give her insight into the fact that she had more going on for herself than she gave herself credit for. This in turn, lead her to wanting to discover the other positive things she had within her. In the amazing Boss Lady series our 4th boss lady Carole Pyke spoke about the sparkle equation being knowing who you are + the value you bring to the table = showing up unapologetically you. In a book I'm reading - Yesterday, I cried by Iyanla Vanzant - she talks about the inner voice that tries to keep her down as she strives for success and the ways she battles this voice to win daily. We all have the dreaded doubt voice, but we also all have the strength to win and rise up against that doubt to be our authentic selves.
The below image was just snatched from Google, but it's a good place to start for daily affirmations.
We are all unique and have a story to tell, we are the authors and the narrators, so Miz Narrator, what do you say to yourself?