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Dating While Black: All My Single Ladies

All my single ladies, all my single ladies, put your hands up..... oh oh oh oh oh... alright now the song is in your head let's get to it.

Ladies, modern dating as black woman is not easy but it can be fun. Yes, I said it, fun, if you're not finding it fun, then maybe you're going into it with the wrong mindset. I understand that you don't want to be single anymore, but going out of your way to seek a husband, can be a lot of stress. This is because there are generally 3 reasons that you want to find a husband and fast:

  1. All of your friends are settled down now

  2. You're racing against the biological clock and want the family not just to be a mother

  3. There's pressure being put on you

Now unless you've got someone who has some eligible men lined up for you (don't laugh there are some cultures that have this) you need to remove those things from your brain and get to the fun.

First things first, don't be afraid to go outside of your comfort zone. Girl I'm being serious with you, if the right person for you was inside of your comfort zone you wouldn't be single still. So if your date suggests playing a round of mini golf or taking a samba class why not try it?

Secondly, in this day and age (and even more so since the lost year of 2020) you need to be prepared to look online. Obviously I'm not talking about giving every Tom, Dick and Harry your Instagram handle or your Facebook, but you may need be open to things like POF, Tinder, Badoo and the likes. Sometimes just having the laughter of the silly messages going back and forth or the ability to pick and choose who you want to even bother with, can boost the fun of the situation even further.

OK, this next thing can be a little controversial and is both an ethical and moral issue... avoid OPP. If you're of an age, you probably can hear a different song in your head, if not then it stands for Other People's Property. Honestly, this is danger, danger, danger, STAY AWAY!!!!!! Even if you think you can handle it, or that it's not your tings so it don't matter, you're wrong! This way lays madness of every description. Whether it's because you catch feelings, or you end up with someone looking to throw two thump and box in your direction, it's just not worth your time. The other major downside (and probably the most important one if you ask me) is that if the person is willing to lie to be with you, what else are they lying about? Think about it, see the red flag and STAY AWAY!!!!

Alright, so with the above established, what are you looking for? Now isn't that the question that none of us really have the answer for lol. Well ana nuttin that, look at what you don't want and it will help you to narrow down your list. If you're still unsure take a look at the Love Language articles Part 1 & Part 2 it's likely that having a better understanding of who you are in a relationship will help you know who you're looking to be with, but remember think fun first. Smile, hold your head high, this doesn't just allow them to see you, you see them too. When you're on your date be on your date. Forget all that other stuff and be open to the person you're on the date with, unless of course you ended up with Tinder's version of Roy Cropper then keep reading there's a plan for that lol.

Whilst we are having fun it's important to have a few ground rules that will keep you safe.

  1. Refrain from giving out too many of your personal details, it seems obvious but you'd be amazed at how secure some people can feel because they're talking through a screen and not face to face

  2. If you are having a face to face meet up, ask for a picture of them and send it to your designated buddy.

  3. Have a designated buddy. This is the person who will know who, what and where you'll be on your date. They are that person that you call/message to tell them you/they have arrived and when you get back home safe. And if you're smart they'll be the person that you can send a little buzz word too who will call you to say there's been some sort of emergency and get your ass out of that awkward date.

  4. Don't get drunk on your first date, or the second or third to be fair, but definitely NOT your first. You have no idea who this person really is and no matter who you are being drunk makes you vulnerable and also forgetful. Remember you have a designated buddy who is waiting up to make sure you're OK at the end of the night.

  5. Carry your own money even if the other person has stated that they're picking up the tab. Having your own readies gives a level of confidence that you arrived on your own terms and you can leave any time you please.

As I said before modern dating isn't necessarily easy but it can be fun and when you're having fun, the possibilities are endless

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